Reshared Memory

I have spent most of my life writing. Beginning when I was young, just learning to write the alphabet and the simplest words in their simplest forms. As time went on, the words became more complicated with more complex meanings, intertwined with other complex words for deeper meanings than could be explained away in just a few words.

Though I have spent most of my life with a pen or pencil in hand, or with a keyboard at my fingertips, most of what I have written has never been seen by eyes that weren’t those of a family member or a very close friend.

I have gotten such praise from those closest to me, insisting that I consider publishing my work after spending hours upon hours typing. Of course, being such a critical thinker, and such an anal critique against my own workings, I hid my pieces from the world, for fear of coming to the realization that my work was perhaps the worst in the world. There was no reason that I could think of to share it with others.

Then, one morning that I was walking back home from taking my little brother to school, I was startled by this young lady. The memories of that day are still ever so clear in my mind, clouded only by a few memories that I have since made.

I offered to walk her to school in order to get to know her. She refused my offer and continued on her way. There was an interest that sparked deep inside me due to the attitude and spirit that I saw.

I purposely ran into her again, offering simple conversation and a friendship. Since meeting that day, we have been close friends and quite a bit more over the years. Neither of us have stopped thinking about each other from that day forward, though our lives have been complicated and never the same since.

It was a series of events that took place shortly after meeting her that inspired me to do some thinking. Out of the thoughts that I had came a short poem that documented the feelings that I had found. This poem, entitled My Beautiful Butterfly, tells in not so many words every feeling that had coursed through my veins from the day that we first met, through a portion of the time that we lost each other, as well as my hopes for a bright and beautiful future.

Of course, I’m not going to bore you with the details of the events that took place after we found one another. Rather, I would like to share with you the poem that I wrote from the inspired feeling that I received due to our meeting and separation.

I’m still a bit nervous in sharing quite a bit of my work and with this being the first piece that I ever thought serious enough to share with other people, I still get a little nervous when I show it to others, though it has been publicly available for roughly seven years.

I found myself alone and unaware
that someone or something was right there.
I jumped a bit, but did not yell,
Though my life at the time was a living Hell.
I talked though I wasn’t sure of,
Then wondered if it was love.
I continued to talk and listen,
I found the wings that glisten.
Many hues and many shades,
Almost as the way a fall leaf fades.
As it became more clear,
I knew the time was near.
I had no choice but to let go,
and pray it finds its way home.
Though I am lonely and sad,
thinking of all the times that could’ve been had.
I know all will go as it needs to be,
Which will bring my beautiful butterfly back to me.

-Copyright 2005, C. A. Husted-
-Part of the compilation of Twilight Musings by Poetry.com-

After publishing this and seeing it on their website, as well as in a book, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was excited that I had finally submitted a piece of what I had written. I was fearful that others would criticize it and it wouldn’t live up to what others would come to expect from me and my writing.

Nothing could have been expected, though. I had never let anyone close enough to learn what I was able to do. There was nothing more that could have been found elsewhere; this piece was the only one that existed.

More recently, I have come to understand my fears and have come to accept them for what they are. I am now trying to overcome many of them, and in doing so, I am opening my eyes as well as my mind and heart to explore the world and allow others to see what I am capable of sharing.

And so, I am here sharing much of what I have kept hidden for most of my life.

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